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19

Dear Boss Person,

Hi. It's me, Bruno. I don't have a lot of time to write this since mama always hogs the computer but she went to retrieve the mail. Good girl! Usually it's a quick trip to get the mail, look at it, and throw out those annoying advertisements, but these days when she gets back to the apartment she spends a lot of time in the kitchen throwing out envelopes and washing her hands a gazillion times. People sure waste a lot of water washing hands. We have a much better system to stay clean.

My brother, Dante, and I know our mama thinks her job is purrfect. We used to feel the same way but now that this evil virus has us trapped between its clenched jaws and she is working at home, we have a favor to ask: can you please order mama back to her real office?

You might know our story. Our big brother Frisco (may he rest in peace) found us in a sewer. It took our mama seven hours to get us out. She never had any cat babies and was looking to find new homes for us but Dante and I made a plan. We acted as cute as we could--which wasn't hard--and were on our best behaviors--which was hard--and before we knew it, she and Frisco made us permanent members of their home. We've been part of the fam for eight years now and our lives have been one long belly scratch. But, with mama now home all the time, well, let's say it's been pretty ruff. 

It was fun at first. Whenever we sat by the cabinet where she hides those really good salmon treats, we got a few. And, we invented the best game ever. We scratch on the sliding glass door to go out on the terrace. After mama lets us out, we wait until she gets comfortable at her work table and then we scratch to be let in again. I think the record of ins and outs was like five times in twenty minutes. Catnip! 

Now it's been over a month since mama has been working at home and she's gone all feral on us. Whenever we lay on her files or jump into one of her work boxes, she makes us get out. She's concentrating so hard on her work she doesn't hear us scratching to go in or out. Sitting near the treat cabinet and looking cute no longer gets us fish snacks. It can't be because we both threw up from too many treats after the first couple of days of mama working from home. Oh, and Boss Person, like the rest of the world, mama is into jigsaw puzzles. She's doing a really cool one of a bunch of cats. After she's done working on it she covers it with cardboard and puts heavy books on top. How are we supposed to bat the pieces all over the floor? How come she gets to play with it but we don't? And what's up with the keyboard to her laptop? We've been laying on it for years and now she acts like she owns it. Trust me, cats loving computer keyboards is no urban myth. When Dante and I Zoom with our friends, they have the same complaints.

We used to sleep all day and when we knew it was almost time for mama to get home from work we'd sit by the door and wait for her. It was the favorite part of our day. We'd hear the elevator doors open and her footsteps coming down the hall. Our heart beats quickened when the lock jingled and then we'd feel like kittens again when she pushed the door open. We'd stare at her with our big green eyes, acting all coy, of course. She'd give us belly rubs and try to kiss us. We'd meow objections as skilled as any courtroom lawyer but we never meant it. Then we'd follow her toward the cabinet and, yes, you guessed it, Boss Person, salmon snacks filled our bellies. We miss those days.

So, Boss Person, please order mama back to her real office. If you do, we'll tell you where the salmon treats are hidden.

Sincerely,

Bruno aka Stripey

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